


Detective Nico's Trouble Busters and the Case of the Akiba Miracle Maid

by ArcherUmi



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Comedy, Detectives, Gen, Minor AU, Nico Nico Noir, Noir Pastiche, Spoilers, nothing happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 12:24:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17549627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcherUmi/pseuds/ArcherUmi
Summary: "Nico Nico Nii~! You've reached the office of Yazawa Nico-Nico, high school detective..."





	Detective Nico's Trouble Busters and the Case of the Akiba Miracle Maid

**Author's Note:**

> Written April 2018. Contains spoilers for S1E09.
> 
> Was written and intended as a possible start to a series, but as usual with me it never got off the ground. It works decently as a stand-alone story though.

It was the last days of July, sunny and stiflingly hot as I sat in my office. Actually, it was the Idol Research Club at Otonokizaka High School, but as I was the only member it may as well have been my office. I left the school idol life behind long ago. Actually, all the other members betrayed me and left because they couldn't keep up with me. Aaaahhh, being a high school detective is such a waste of Nico Ni's talents and cute looks nico~...

Anyway, I was just about to leave the office for the day when the door creaked open. I expected one of the usual visitors from the student council who I might on a good day charitably call friends, Eli or Nozomi, but it was someone else today. A worried-looking young lady with blazing orange hair she'd tied up to one side in a ponytail with a sunny yellow ribbon and blue eyes like an uneasy ocean. Huh, too flowery?! I don't know what you mean nico~. After all, to be a school idol you need to be able to write beautiful words so you can compose lyrics nico~!

She slipped off her blazer and hung it up on the coat rack before sitting down across from me at the table. "Honoka Kousaka, right? You're with that wannabe idol group µ's", I said. She blinked and smiled uneasily. "Ehehehe, yeah, I'm Honoka. You can't call us wannabes though!".

"Whatever, spit it out then", I lit up a cigarette and took a drag. Actually, I just put a pocky in mouth to look cooler and more noir-like. Smoking is no good when you have such a cute voice to take care of nico~!. "What kind of job do you have for me?".

"Oh, yeah", she shifted awkwardly in her chair. "One of my friends, Kotori Minami-chan, she's also in µ's, has been acting weird lately. Like, she leaves school early and skips practice and she won't tell us where she's going", Honoka bolted up. "Don't you think she could be mixed up in something and in trouble?!".

"You got a photo of this girl?", I asked, swallowing the last bite of pocky. She took out her cell phone and showed me a picture of a gentle-looking girl with long light brown hair. "Alright, so you want me to tail her?". I snickered. "Hmhmhmhm... You may not know it from my cute looks but I'm actually the world champion of disguise...". I smiled. "So, when should I start nico~?".  
__________

I slipped my heavy gray coat on over my pink cardigan, put on my mask, and finally draped my scarf around my shoulders. I pulled the mask down to speak. "So, you said she was ditching your practice today?". Besides Honoka again like yesterday, two of her friends had gathered in my office, Umi Sonoda and Maki Nishikino. "Mhm, yeah...", Umi answered. 

I put on my sunglasses. "Ok... Hey, you, Maki Nishikino right?", I pointed at her. She looked a little annoyed. "Huh? Yeah, what is it?".

"Do you want to be my new assistant, nico~?". She frowned. "...Your assistant? I don't get it; what does that mean?!". She turned to go, flicking her tomato red hair over her shoulder with a dramatic flourish. I sighed. "The truth is--", I turned up my Nico Ni charms, striking my signature Nico Nico Nii pose, "--you're a top student and Nico isn't so great with detail stuff or paperwork, ok nico~? So I need an assistant to help out nico~!".

Her eyebrows twitched. "Huh, what sort of argument is that supposed to be?! I-", I cut her off abruptly. "You got that? You should be honored I'm asking if you want to, nico."

"Eeuh, w-what's with these changes in character...?", Honoka asked. She thought about something for a moment. "I think you should do it, Maki-chan! If it will help Nico-senpai find out what's up with Kotori-chan!".

"Huh, what do you-...", Maki trailed off. "Fine, whatever, I'll try it. Do what you want". I handed her one of my spare pairs of sunglasses to disguise herself and she reluctantly followed me down stairs and out to the gate, catching sight of Kotori looking like a lost little bird, worriedly glancing right and left as she walked across the street to the bus stop and got on. "Follow that car!", I yelled, pointing at the bus as the other passengers boarded.

"Huh? How are we supposed to follow her without getting on?", Maki asked. I snickered. "Hmhmhm... You'll see, Maki". I grabbed my keys out of my pocket, showing them off as I walked over to my bright red car. "Check it out, nico~!". Maki looked at me funny. "Huh, you can drive, Nico-chan? Seriously?". I glared at her. "Huh, what do you mean seriously?! I turned 18 last week and got my license, what's weird about that?".

Maki pulled the handle, jumping back as the gullwing door swung up and forwards. Annoyed, she got in and closed the door as I sat down, turned the key, and stepped on the gas, following the bus as it headed in to Akihabara. The place where all those rejected by the mainstream of Japanese society flow to. Actually, while I'm here I should check if there's any new A-RISE merch for sale today.

"Nico-chan, you realize she's getting off here right?", Maki asked flatly. W-What, is she?! I looked around to see Kotori stepping off the bus. "Of course I did nico~, you think we can just stop here and let her know we've been tailing her?", I swerved to park. "It's unfortunate, but you still have a lot to learn Maki~". I got out of the car, sweating under my disguise and my school uniform. 

We stealthily followed behind as Kotori made her way to an ordinary example of Akiba's many maid cafes, watching from across the street as she disappeared inside. I gestured to Maki to go closer and we crossed the street, peering in the windows. We waited for a while before finally catching a glance of the shocking scene as she emerged from the back room, dressed in a perfect french maid outfit. "Huuh, is this her secret?!", I asked incredulously. "She's just working as a maid? Big deal... Wait--", I gasped, "--maybe she's hiding it because she is in trouble? Maybe someone forced her to work as a maid, or worse-".

"What's up with this overactive imagination?", Maki asked. I frowned at her. "You'd understand how dangerous it is for cute girls if you were cute, nico~". Her eyebrows twitched again. "W-What is that supposed to mean?! I'm plenty cu- Oi, more importantly isn't she running away?!". While we'd been arguing, I later learned, Kotori had stepped outside to hand out flyers for the cafe and recognized us. Actually, she only noticed Maki in her inferior disguise, not me nico~.

We took off after her, dashing through alleyways, and split up, soon managing to corner her on one side street. "Stop running already!", I yelled as I turned the corner onto the narrow street and saw Maki appear at the other end. "I'm detective Nico Yazawa nico~! I'm not going to hurt you, ok nico~?".

"Eh, who are you again?", she asked. "I ran because I saw Maki-chan but...". I pointed my finger at her. "Whatever, you're safe now so you just have to tell us who did this too you!". Maki facepalmed, shouting back to me. "You know it would probably seem more convincing if you weren't point at her and wearing that ridiculous outfit!".

Reluctantly, I loosened my scarf, pulling my mask down and taking off my sunglasses. "Ok, just tell us who forced you to become a maid already". Kotori blinked. "...Eh? Forced me to...?". She stood up, dusting off her clothes.  
__________

I took a bite of fruit parfait and Maki finished off her tomato rice as Kotori fidgeted a little standing by our table. "So you're saying you just accepted a job here to build confidence so you could be a better school idol?". She nodded and giggled a little, softly and uneasily. "Hehehehe... Yeah, that's right."

"Why didn't you just say so? It's not like it's anything that embarrassing is it?", Maki asked. "It'd be a problem if my parents or any of the staff at school found out...", Kotori answered. "But--", she smiled, "--now that you found me out I'm going to tell the others about it. I guess it isn't that scary after all."

"I just can't believe the Legendary Maid Minalinsky was an Otonokizaka student this whole time. Haah, if I had known I wouldn't have spent so much money to buy a Minalinsky autograph online nico~". I finished the last bite of my parfait. "But what's really important is this is another Nico Yazawa case closed, nico~!".

"Come on", Maki said. "Do you really have to say 'nico' after everything? What is it? I don't get it!". Kotori laughed. "Aaah, I think it's cute actually, Nico-chan."

"Hmhmhmhm... Of course it's cute, nico~!", I winked.  
__________

As she left my office, the late afternoon sun shining in through the windows, I opened out the envelope Honoka had handed me. "...t-twenty thousand?!", I smiled, my eyes lighting up. I'm going to call Cocoro and Cocoa right now and tell them I'm going to do something special for dinner tonight. "Aaah, maybe we'll have sukiyaki, nico~!". I gasped, looking up as someone grabbed away one of the 10,000 yen notes to see Maki nonchalantly slipping it into her wallet.

"Huh?!", I bolted up. "W-W-W-What do you think you're doing?!".

"Payment for being your 'assistant', Nico-chan", she said, looking a little annoyed. I glared at her but she didn't budge, so I gave her my best pleading, puppy dog eyes Nico look. "...F-Fine, ok, stop looking at me like that!". She handed me back a 5,000 yen note. I *guess* 25 percent is fine for an assistant if I'm being generous. "But...", she twirled a strand of her hair. "It was interesting being a 'detective' even if we didn't do any real detective work. I guess I can keep doing it at least when it doesn't interfere with my studies or with µ's."

Just then the door flew open, and I saw a girl with short brown hair wearing glasses standing in it, panting like she'd just run a marathon and looking panicked. "I-I-It's an emergency...! T-T-The alpacas are...!".


End file.
